Tell the world what you are

Thanks to an excellent suggestion from Vamp in her lovely Jane's Guide review of SageVivant.com, it's now possible for you to get code to post on your Web site or blog to tell the world about what erotic personality you are! I've posted my information here so you can see what it would look like:

I took Sage Vivant's Erotic Personality Quiz and discovered I'm a Show-Off!

What is your Erotic Personality? Find out now.

So go ahead and take the quiz -- your results will provide you with code to place on your own site and share with friends.

Ladies with flagging libidos

For a sex health story in Glamour, writer Natasha Chilingerian is looking for anecdotes from women who got their sex drives back during a time in their lives when their libidos were especially low.

She's looking for stories from women who either made a major lifestyle change in order to get their sex lives back (quit a bad job, started pampering themselves in some way, etc.), or made small changes to boost their sex lives (bought sexier clothes, erotic novels, etc.).

She already has stories involving exercise, alcohol and cologne, so she can't take any relating to those topics. Also, she can only take stories from women who live outside of New York City.

If you have an anecdote to share (or if you know someone does email Natasha and describe your story, and include your full name, age, town, and, for fact-checking, email
address and phone number. Her deadline is Tues., June 19, at 5pm
central time.

Not in the Columbia Record Club, I'm guessing

Some things simply must be shared. These album covers are among them. Here's a sample. Unbelievable.

I talk to Chip August

Several weeks ago, Chip August (host of the podcast, Sex, Love and Intimacy) interviewed me. That interview is now live online. The sound quality is not the best, but if you listen with headphones or earbuds, it's much better than listening through your computer's speakers.

I like this interview because he asked questions that I think most people would have, and he allowed me to answer them (instead of talking over me like so many interviewers tend to do these days!). It's a great way to learn a bit more about what Your Erotic Personality is all about. Enjoy -- and feel free to post your thoughts here or on my Erotic Personality blog.

Sexual wisdom

In a world where the Creation Museum has financial supporters as well as visitors, and rich, uninformed white men still think they can make decisions about women's bodies, it is so damn good to hear somebody like Jocelyn Elders (former U.S. Surgeon General) speak rationally about sex. Dr. Elders is, by the way, 74 years old now but she maintains her educated candor about sexual matters. It's so refreshing to know she's out there.

She spoke recently at the SisterSong conference, and got two standing ovations. Why? Well here's a sampling of some of the things she said (these are taken from a marvelous post at Feministing.com):

"We're sexual beings from the time we're born until we die, and we need to make sure we understand our sexuality and realize that sex is about more than procreation."

"If men went through menopause, we'd know everything about it, but we still don't even know if we should be taking hormones."

On people who say condoms aren't 100% reliable: "Condoms will break, but I can assure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms."

What is not refreshing to realize is that she would be even less welcome in today's narrow-minded White House than she was in the Clinton administration (which caved to panicked right-wing idiots over her remark about masturbation being natural and something that "perhaps should be taught"). Why are any of her remarks grounds for fear?

People think I'm a snob when I say that this country has adolescent views on sex. I'm not saying that there aren't other countries that could use some enlightenment as well. But when you consider that remarks like those quoted above do not encourage anything illegal, do not promote violence, and simply reflect a dispassionate view of human sexual behavior, it's disheartening to realize how many Americans would find her line of thinking objectionable or even immoral. How is it that we have existed so long on this earth without coming to terms with our sexuality? And what will it take for grounded, mature minds like Dr. Elders' to be understood and respected?

When are we going to shake off the Biblical mysteries bullshit and look at who we really are?

A better blog

Boy, if there's one thing this world needs it's another blog, don't you think? I mean, we just don't have enough people spouting off about how they feel about things, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I'm being facetious. If a blog has a purpose, it's got value. So, I hope you'll agree that my new blog -- Your erotic personality -- has a purpose.

What I'm trying to do is bring up topics related to the book that readers will want to talk about. With a non-fiction book like mine, there are so many issues that readers will undoubtedly have questions about. With this new blog, I hope to answer them. Or at least to tackle notions that never got addressed adequately in the book.

I hope you'll visit. I'm pleased to see that the conversation there is already fairly lively. It's with a service called Vox, and I've not used it much but it seems okay. Let me know what you think.

Erotic Personality class in San Francisco

I'll be teaching an Erotic Personality class here in San Francisco this week!

If you live in the San Francisco bay area (or can get here easily), I'd love to have you as a student in my class entitled "Your Erotic
Personality." Yes, it's based on my book but it will be a great opportunity to delve deeper and get more information about who you are and what you need for great sex. The class happens on May 30, from 7:00 to 8:30 p.m. here:

OneTaste San Francisco
1074 Folsom street
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 503 1100
onetaste@onetastesf.com

Although you cannot register online, you can read a bit more about the class here.

(I'll be taking this class on the road in the near future, so stay tuned for announcements about opportunities to attend in your area!)

Chat me up, why don't you?

The lovely ladies over at the Lust Bites blog are interviewing me tomorrow (May 23). The comment period, in which you can ask me just about anything, continues all day , so I hope you'll stop by and do your best to stump the harried erotica writer.

Bloggers with brains

I suck as a blogger. Maybe you've noticed?

It's not that I don't have anything to say. If you listen to my podcast, you know that I do! But with all the writing I do in any given day, the idea of then spilling my guts here on a blog fills me with anticipatory exhaustion. I try to keep things short and sweet (okay, except for that crazy post about pole dancing!), but there are other bloggers out there who are not only articulate but insightful, and who have an outlook on sex that's not only healthy and progressive but free of ego and shock value.

In other words, there are mature sex bloggers out there. And as of today, I'm going to start keeping a list of them for you. But beware: I'm going to limit the list to fairly cerebral blogs and bloggers. I figure you've got enough resources for finding naked bodies, learning creative uses for sex toys, or reading about the personal sexcapades and preferences of certain bloggers.

A couple of months ago, I discovered Elizabeth's Sex in the Public Square blog. I like this woman. She puts thought as well as research into her posts, and her posts are frequently related to topical news items that have some bearing on sex in our culture. She rants but she also offers suggestions and insights, which is the sign of a somebody who is more interested in improving the state of the world that just getting hits on their blog.

I also like the saucy, spicy commentary from Carol Queen. I admire her in general but because I know her personally, I also know she's not driven by ego but rather by a sincere desire to explore the sexual side of human behavior and benefit it via education and knowledge. (Hey, that's why she's Doctor Carol Queen, you know?) She doesn't post all that often, but when she does, it's entertaining as well as informative. Like this post, for instance...

Yesterday, I discovered Devon, who seems relatively new to the sex blogging scene but he's got a mission statement I really applaud. Devon wants to stimulate a "cultural climax." Sounds good, eh? As he says: "it's about time we started expecting more then mediocrity in every aspect of our lives -- and then going out and creating it." Check out his video podcasts -- he's a down-to-earth guy who believes (as I do) that sex isn't about positions and technique as much as it's about raw honesty and a willingness to fumble toward truth.

Yes, it's true that I write smut and am painfully, consciously, unrelentingly aware that sex sells, but if I can help steer people toward a deeper awareness of who they are, what they like, and why they need it, can sexual maturity be far behind?

Cool contest!

Have you been tempted to join the Erotic Personality Club but haven't decided yet for sure? Well, if you win the following contest, you could win a free membership plus an autographed copy of my book!

Penguin (they own Berkley Books, my publisher for Your Erotic Personality) features its sexiest titles on RedLightBooks, and for the next few months, they are running a contest to give away THREE free memberships to the Erotic Personality Club.

Go check it out and enter the contest -- otherwise you cannot win, silly!

My guy has a new book!

The sexy and super-talented author, M. Christian, has just announced that his next novel, The Very Bloody Marys, is available for pre-orders as well as reviews. If you'd like to review his book, please write him at zobop at aol.com. Here's some info on his wonderful book (and I know it's wonderful -- I copyedited it and read every word!).

He’s the only vampire cop around—and a gang of Vespa-riding vampires threaten to drain San Francisco dry!

Big trouble at night in the city. A gang of Vespa-riding vampires are killing San Franciscans so indiscriminately they threaten to not only drain the city dry—but risk the discovery of vampires everywhere. Gay vampire cop Valentino is called upon to stop the group calling themselves The Very Bloody Marys before the situation gets worse. Unfortunately, it already has. You see, Valentino is still only a trainee who is in way over his head now that Pogue, his mentor, is missing. And this brutal gang is tough, smart, and very, very bloodthirsty. To do his job, Valentino must move quickly—and carefully—otherwise he may just get himself killed. What's a creature of the night to do? The only thing he can: track the gang through the haunts of some very odd characters, unravel the mystery, and try to stay out of the sun.

The Very Bloody Marys is a comic horror novel about vampires, ghouls, faeries, and the undead that move around after dark. Part chase, part gallows humor, part shivery excitement, this new story from the wildly imaginative M. Christian is funny, frightening, and very entertaining.

Humble Pie

Some people think authors make money and are respected. Such people watch too many movies.

I recently noticed that several copies of Your Erotic Personality were for sale by independent sellers at Amazon.com for rock-bottom, bargain-basement prices of $3 and $4. This mystified me. How could anyone afford to sell the book at such a price and make any money? (Oh, and let me be honest, as well. I was pissed as hell that some asshole was offering the book at a price that would clearly dissuade anyone from buying it new and at full price. Call me greedy, but I would like my $1.46 per copy and that windfall can only happen when people pay retail.)

So, being the inquiring mind that I am, I wrote to one of the sellers and asked how they were able to offer the book at such a low price. Because the book is so new, I couldn't imagine that the seller would be anything other than a bookstore. But no. The seller was a person who had received the book as a joke from friend who knew it would not be her "cup of tea." So she couldn't think of anything else to do with it but sell it immediately at a price that would guarantee she'd be rid of it quickly.

I hadn't thought to market Your Erotic Personality as a joke or gag gift, but what the hell -- if it'll sell more copies, maybe I oughta think about it.

I bought the book from her. It seemed the only sensible thing to do. But how sad is that?

Masturbation for the masses

May is National Masturbation Month! And if you want to observe it in the privacy of your own home, that's perfectly fine, but if you'd like to do something a little different -- and benefit some good causes in addition to your own satisfaction -- check out the following. It's taken from a press release from Carol Queen, organizer and creator of the event. I'm donating at least one free story and three copies of Your Erotic Personality to this event, so now you have one more incentive to participate!

The 2007 official Live Masturbate-a-Thon will be held on Saturday, May 26th at 415 Jessie Street in San Francisco and is sponsored by The Center for Sex and Culture.

CSC’s National Masturbation Month plans climax with the Live Masturbate-a-Thon in San Francisco. Founder and director Carol Queen, Ph.D. announced that the Center for Sex & Culture will hold its sixth annual fund-raising Masturbate-a-Thon on May 26, 2007, doors open at 4:00 pm for regular participants and at 2:00 pm for those attempting to set this year's time/orgasm records. CSC's Masturbate-a-Thon is a live group event at which participants will raise funds by getting others to sponsor them for each minute they masturbate or each orgasm they claim.

Founded by San Francisco's own Good Vibrations, National Masturbation Month seeks to raise awareness and dispel shame about this most common and natural of sexual activities. GV acted in the wake of then-Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders' firing in 1994 for stating that masturbation "is perhaps something that should be taught" about when discussing young people’s sexual options. Good Vibrations and its sister sex toy stores, as well as sex-positive nonprofits, have been celebrating National Masturbation Month across the US and Canada since 1995. More information about Good Vibrations' role in NMM will be available on GV's website in early May. The Masturbate-a-Thon became the centerpiece of National Masturbation Month when it was added to Good Vibrations' slate of activities a few years later. GV sponsors the Masturbate-a-Thon as a private event, as most masturbation is; the Center for Sex & Culture celebrates it as a live group activity.

The most recent Masturbate-a-Thon was held in August, 2006 in London, England. With 154 participants and produced for the benefit of Marie Stopes International, the UK’s premier sexual health nonprofit, that event was filmed for British television and set several new world records, including Most Orgasms for both women (49) and men (6). Last year's Center for Sex & Culture Masturbate-a-Thon raised close to $3000 from participants and their sponsors, who pledge a variable amount per minute to support their friends' efforts. One female and one male participant won trophies for Longest Time Spent Masturbating (the longest, a man, spent nearly eight and a half hours), and one person received the trophy for Most Orgasms (CSC director Carol Queen had predicted a woman was likely to win this particular award, and was proved correct). A reporter from Reuters was on hand, as were representatives from several Bay Area publications. The entire event was webcast by bondage.com and so was available for interested supporters outside the region.

This year the event will feature a news commentary desk, commercials by and for masturbators, a barn stage, an opera singer, a castle interior, a bar stage, live masturbation stages for men and women and appearances by local adult movie performers Tom Orr, Tassy Pink, Robert Black, Michael Starr and the Bay area's own well loved Nina Hartley.

Who participates in a live Masturbate-a-Thon? Not surprisingly, representatives from various sexual communities attend to come for a cause; the Center for Sex & Culture is arranging this year's co-sponsorships among gay men's clubs, erotica producers, and other sexual adventurers. Separate areas of the Masturbate-a-Thon site spaces will be set aside for both mixed- and single-gender groups. Only part of the room will be set aside for the webcast cameras, so less exhibitionistic attendees can participate somewhat more privately. Participants have also been drawn to past Masturbate-a-Thons to publicly acknowledge the importance of solo sexuality in their lives, so not everyone handing in a pledge sheet will be a committed erotic adventurer; many will never have done anything like this before

Word of the Masturbate-a-Thon has spread around the globe. Last year our best-treaveled competitor (and winner of the “Longest Distance Come to Come” award) arrived from Hong Kong. We expect participants to come from as far away as Australia this year; in past years press hits have come in from Spain, Ireland, Austria, Britain, Germany, China, South Africa, France, Brazil, Ireland, India, and elsewhere.
In fact, international press has paid more attention to the Masturbate-a-Thon than has US media, particularly during the London event in 2006, when CSC Director Carol Queen spent seven and a half hours talking to the press. Although international press coverage of the event in Europe and throughout the Americas is quite well covered, US coverage including local Bay Area news outlets has been quite sparse. The on line event has historically shown a viewer moment of about 40,000 people drawing approximately .015% of the internet on the day of production (Alexa 2007)

Pledge sheets and co-sponsorship links are available at the Masturbate-a-Thon's website. Participants can download a pledge sheet and begin collecting pledges right away; after the Masturbate-a-Thon they will let their pledgers know how much to remit. Pledges can be paid by check and sent to CSC; they can also be remitted via the event website. All monies raised will be used to support the Center for Sex & Culture's educational and sex-positive cultural programming. People who wish to participate but who can't find pledgers may pledge themselves at any amount plus pay a $20.00 entry fee. Online supporters who live too far away to attend can tune in to the webcast that evening (May 26); interested parties who prefer a private Masturbate-a-Thon can download the pledge sheet, stay home and participate, and remit by mail, or they can participate in Good Vibrations's private Masturbate-a-Thon.

Visitors to these sites and Masturbate-a-Thon participants should be 18 and over only.

The Center for Sex & Culture (CSC) received its nonprofit status in late 2002 and was declared "Best Emerging Sex Nonprofit" in the San Francisco Bay Guardian's Best of the Bay issue in June 2004. It is open by appointment and for events. The Center for Sex & Culture is a largely-volunteer organization that subsists on donations from the public, including donations of books, art, videos, archival materials, etc. CSC's mailing address (where donations can be sent) is 2215-R Market Street, #455, San Francisco, CA 94114. Website donations can be made online . Telephone: (415) 255-1155. Masturbate-a-Thon™ Open Enterprises Inc.; used by permission.

Would you like to write with me?

(Sorry to tell you about this so late, but I didn't know the contest had started until a few days ago! So, I apologize if the contest if over by the time you go check it out.)

Good Vibrations magazine is having a contest to see who can offer up the best ending to one of my unfinished stories. Give it a shot! If the editors at Good Vibrations think your submission is the best, you'll win a gift card and the dubious honor of saying that you and Sage Vivant wrote a story together. Clearly, the gift card will have considerably more value...!

Here's the story they'd like you to finish:

The Contest Winner
By Sage Vivant

She’d read many entries, every one of them a seemingly earnest plea for her unique brand of punishment. Each week she had to choose one contest winner—one recipient who seemed more deserving than the others to endure whatever torture she chose to exact on them. But this week, one letter piqued her interest.

Dear Mistress,
My transgression is an ongoing one and I hope that you can cure me of it. Whenever I am exposed to pussy, my tongue emerges from my mouth, wagging and hungry to touch it and taste it, altogether beyond my control. In my previous requests for discipline, I have been ordered to wear blindfolds but this doesn’t help, as I respond to the merest aroma of cunt, as well as the heat of it. I want to be rid of this affliction and hope that you can help me.

Signed,
Oral Fixation

He arrived at her bidding, on time and suitably contrite. Although in his mid-forties, he carried himself with the ease of a man in his twenties. When he stripped naked at her request, she noted the fine physique and exceptional cock. Even flaccid, it hung a good six inches, which made her plan that much simpler to implement.

Without explaining herself, she cuffed his wrists and elbows into the special rack that tilted from vertical to horizontal. Seconds after securing him to the rack, she decided that a diagonal pose with feet to ceiling and head to floor would suit his needs best.

He was docile and she liked that. He didn’t presume to even look at her, let alone speak to her. Serenity sat like a veil on his face. The angle she’d placed him in caused his cock to flop toward his belly with a reassuring fwap just before she tied the leash around his balls. Still, he lay there expressionless.

“Tell me to stop if this pain is more than you can bear,” she said in her signature snarl. She slipped out of her thong panties and now wore only her stockings, boots, elbow-length gloves, and corset (the one that made her tits look ready to spill out at any moment).

She planted one high-heeled boot alongside each of his ears and waited a moment as she dangled the leash across his chest. She positioned herself so she could watch his cock grow. Just a little something she did for herself.

She allowed him to look at her naked snatch for a full minute, secretly delighted by how quickly his meat swelled with appreciation. His cock, of course, wasn’t the problem he sought her help with, but she used it to gauge how his tongue might be behaving. When she looked down at his face, his lips were parted and the tip of his tongue struggled to stay behind his teeth.

She tugged at the leash and he winced. His lips slammed shut.

She launched into a partial knee bend to bring her steadily juicing cunt closer to his face.

Her scent was unmistakable, as was the anguished expression on his face. Yet once again, his mouth went into a natural O shape and the eager, pink tongue squirmed forward.

Another yank at his slightly blue balls, and his tongue retracted but his mouth did not close. She lowered herself a few inches more, now hovering so close that his struggle had to be excruciating.

“Do you want to eat my pussy?”

She promised herself that if he said nothing, she’d reward him but that if he spoke, she’d end the session and send him on his way.

She waited, still hovering over him with phenomenal control. High heels made the position a bit easier, truth be told.

He said nothing. She looked down between her squatting knees and saw the reason for his silence. His tongue was extended so far, it threatened to skim her pussy lips. In all her years as a dominatrix, she had never seen a tongue so long or so fervent in its desire to lap at cunt. Her juices trickled along the lips of her labia.

She tugged at the leash, lowered herself just enough to wipe her cunt against his tongue, then straightened into a standing position. The tip of his tongue was slightly rough, like a cat’s. The brief swipe of it against her clit nearly upset her balance.

“You have a lot of training ahead of you,” she announced, disappointed that his tongue was now back in his mouth. “You’re going to need a lot more than this leash,” she added, walking over to her tool box to select her next implement of discipline.

She might give this client more time, she thought to herself as she perused her inventory, rubbing her clit as she considered her options……….

Some nice reviews

Anytime a writer sends out a book for a review, she hopes that she isn't sealing her doom. I only know of four reviews that have been posted online for Your Erotic Personality , but I'm relieved to note that they're all positive.

I guess the real hammer will fall when Publisher's Weekly does its special brand of smackdown on it...!

So, if you're interested, here are links to the reviews so you can see what people have to say about it:

[The Joy of Sex], and so many others that came after it, focused on the specific acts of men and women having sex. What sets Sage Vivant’s book apart is that it focuses more on the psychology of sex and the eroticism of it: what type of erotic personality are you? What type of behavior appeals to you most? If you can pin that down (and most of us, as Sage points out, will be a combination of types ...), then you can practically jump start your way to more satisfying sexual experiences, and better target sexual partners who will share, enhance, or compliment your erotic interests.

-- Marilyn Jaye Lewis, internationally published erotica author
Read the full review here.

"I cannot recommend this book enough. Very few times do you get an opportunity to have an enjoyable read which will almost assuredly translate into tangible benefits for your own sense of self identity, as well as your confidence, which can then flow over into your meaningful relationships. This is a unique dose of sexual self-help which will open up new possibilities and understandings."

-- Kelly Arthur, The Erotic Woman
Read the full review here.

"In a market which is overcrowded with books on how to spice up your sex life, Your Erotic Personality offers something refreshingly different. Witty and informative, it will have you looking at what (and who) pushes your buttons on in a whole new light."

-- Elizabeth Coldwell, Forum UK magazine
Read the full review here.

"The information on each type is incredibly in-depth. This is made all the more fascinating because this isn't something Sage has read about and re-written, it's information she has gleaned from her customers at CES over the years she has been running it. This is first-hand information, from someone who knows!"

-- Lucy Felthouse
Read the full review here.

Many thanks to you, Marilyn, Kelly, Elizabeth, and Lucy!

Another great workshop

As Your Erotic Personality gets more exposure, I'm coming into contact with people who are doing some extraordinary work with people to help them understand themselves sexually. LiYana Silver of Re-Defining Monogamy is one of them. Her workshops go beyond the standard "talk about your feelings with your partner" formula and tap into new and mostly unexplored areas of relationships -- including the relationship one has with oneself! I love LiYana's fresh approach and her dedication to helping people understand that a relationship doesn't thrive in rigid boundaries that don't fully respect the needs of the participants.

Here's what's coming up soon:

Crafting Extraordinary Relationships
Part 1: Relationship with Yourself

Friday-Sunday, May 4-6, 2007
Clear Point Center, CT

Get out of the City for an powerful 3-day workshop with LiYana Silver
and rejuvenating retreat in the springtime Connecticut mountains.

Join LiYana if you want:

- To stop being stopped by self-doubt, stagnation, and confusion
- A profoundly loving relationship with yourself
- Ownership of your happiness and self-confidence
- To become vibrantly connected to your passion and purpose
- Relationships that are a vehicle for your growth and joy

- Clear HOW-TO's and TOOLS

- And you know it all begins with YOU...


For a full description of the workshop:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/crafting-2.html

If you are ready to register, contact Steve Munn:

Steve@YourClearPoint.com
860.684.3994


Through interactive lecture, physical and writing exercises and individual
coaching, we will dive into:

- Why you are always attracted to the wrong person
- How to befriend and cultivate intimacy
- The five simple steps to shift any unhealthy pattern
- What turns you on and lights you up

- Getting in the driver's seat of your life
- How to adore yourself in your own skin
- An introduction to exceptional communication skills
- How to take it all back into real life, including dating!
- And more...


For a full description of the workshop:
http://www.redefiningmonogamy.com/crafting-2.html


* * * * *
Early Bird Special: Register before April 15th

$550, or $450 if you register with a friend, partner or family member

Includes workshop, lovingly-prepared meals and accommodation

Limited to 16 - so register soon!

* * * * *

To register, or ask questions, contact Steve Munn:

Steve@YourClearPoint.com
860.684.3994

Sexy words, sexy music

It's finally happened. I now have an audio CD -- and it has music!

British composer David Courtney contacted me almost two years ago with an idea for an erotic story with a musical score. We worked out story details, he composed music, and at long last, we have the final product! The CD is called Sex With a Stranger and it's now available for sale at CD Baby.

CD Baby lets you listen to samples before you buy, so check it out before you plunk down any money. But frankly, I think you're going to like it.

My beef with pole-dancing

A couple of months ago, I posted a cryptic and derogatory comment about pole-dancing. Naturally, I offended at least one pole dancer, who promptly left a polite but cryptic comment. This week, one of my podcast listeners sent me a few links to stories about the rising popularity of pole-dancing parties in the suburbs, including this one to a story in the New York Times.

I made a few disparaging remarks, which surprised him, but then proceeded to think about just why this whole pole-dancing thing rubs me the wrong way. (That pun just happened, by the way. I didn't plan it.)

I should begin by saying that I once knew a woman who was a dancer in Las Vegas, pre-pole-dancing era. She denigrated the pole dancers whenever the subject arose because she saw them as talentless. "They wrap themselves around a pole. Big deal. I've been dancing my feet off and wearing elaborate costumes for years. How can they call themselves dancers?" That was my first introduction to the pole-dancing phenomenon. My friend had led me to believe -- and I had no reason to doubt her -- that pole-dancers were simply an inferior version of exotic dancer.

What do I know from exotic dancing, really? I grew up in suburbia, was an honor student, and went to KC and the Sunshine Band concerts in high school. When an exotic dancer tells a non-exotic dancer that pole-dancers are the bottom of the barrel in the exotic dancing business, the non-exotic dancer tends to accept that information as truth.

So, my next exposure to pole-dancers was via The Sopranos. Here we have a seedy strip club with women who look like they'd just as soon scrub a toilet as let you watch them pretend a large pole is, in fact, your cock. They look bored and unhappy, and what the fuck, they work at a place called Badda-Bing! for cryin' out loud. Not a resume-enhancer, you know what I mean?

Now, I am aware that it is often unwise to base an opinion on what one sees on television or the movies. If we all did that, we'd think that all crime labs had the latest technology (a la CSI) and that everybody in America only eats barbeque between the months of June and August (according to the Food Network). Nevertheless, what else did I really have to go on?

When my friend sent me those links this week and was surprised by my reaction, I had to devote some time to thinking about why I felt as I did and figure out whether I was really being fair to the much-maligned pole-dancing crowd, whether they love their poles as a livelihood or a lark.

I read the New York Times article and had several reactions. It's always been my belief that anything that makes a person feel sexy is a great and worthy pastime. I also believe that an experiential one is better than a virtual or imaginary one, meaning that pole-dancing in your living room is going to make you feel sexier than doing it in Second Life or having me write a story about you doing it. I don't have children to sap my energy and I don't have a boring or sexless domestic life, but I know I'm lucky in that regard -- plenty of women do need activities or interests that will reignite their sexual selves. Who am I to find fault with whatever does this for them?

Pole-dancers who dance for money have made a conscious choice to do so, and whatever motivates them is obviously no different than whatever motivates any stripper or exotic dancer. That they choose a pole as their primary prop is of no never-mind to me. If they're happy and having fun, great. The world should be full of people who are happy and having fun.

My beef is not with professional pole-dancers -- it's with the women who do it in their living rooms, at parties, and such. I find it sad that a woman's sexual self could be so buried that she must emulate the movements, wear the clothing, and employ the props (namely, the pole) of women that society tells her are sexy.

For me, this pole-dancing-at-home phenomenon is yet another symptom of applying a topical treatment to a systemic ailment. Yes, women will feel temporarily exhilarated by pretending they are pole-dancers. Ten years ago, women were reading about how to strip for their men. Three years ago, they were learning to "make love like a porn star."

Yes, these are harmless pastimes and they may help loosen some inhibitions. But they may also frustrate women who approach them expecting to feel sexiness descend upon them. Lots of women will discover that sexing up a pole feels silly to them, that stripping for their husbands or boyfriends only makes their men look at them quizzically, or that making love like a porn star means that they are acting rather than feeling passionate. They will feel inadequate because aren't these things supposed to make them feel sexy? There must be something wrong with them, they'll think, if these activities are failing to meet that goal.

Realistically, what can we expect bored, confused, desperate, naive, young, or sexually shut-down women to do to feel sexy? They can't ship their kids off to boarding school or make their husbands work fewer hours. They can't afford to hire maids and cooks to relieve them of housework. (And in the case of young women, they aren't old enough to look within for their inner source of sexuality and sensuality. We have to excuse them, I guess. They are led to believe that if they look and move like a Pussycat Doll,, they will be sexy, not understanding that they will be perceived as sexy, which is different than the confidence that comes from knowing who you are sexually.)

Pole-dancing seems innocuous to most people. To me, it's just another way that our culture has distracted us from introspection and self-examination so that it can lure us with quick fixes and immediate gratification. After all, the former are free but the latter can be had at any price the market will bear. I feel sad that so many women think they have to pay somebody to access what is available to them 24/7 at no cost whatsoever.

Okay. Now go ahead and attack me. I'm ready.

Weird Al made me do it

Once a day, I used to check my MySpace account to see if there were new "friend requests." There usually were, although half the time it was some porn come-on or a sales scam. Tonight, though, I signed on and saw an ad for a Weird Al Yankovic video. Being a long-time fan of Weird Al, I clicked on the link.

It took me to his page but his video wasn't working.

And that was the straw that broke this particular camel's back. MySpace is a colossal waste of time and I think I was there for all the wrong reasons. Ninety percent of my "friends" were writers I never even heard of who thought I gave a shit about their books and their careers (I don't). Most of their pages had music players on them, so although I might be playing my iTunes, I was assaulted by their stupid music if I went to their page. Lunatics with pointless diatribes would post bulletins every other day. And several times a week, the ubiquitous "Tom" would explain why some functionality wasn't, well, functioning. Oh, and did I mention the plethora of flashing and blinking ads? Words cannot describe the sublime pleasure that is MySpace. I'd rather be kicked in the ass with a frozen boot than check my MySpace page.

And, by remaining a member of MySpace, wasn't I being just as disingeuous and hypocritical as the people I criticized?

So, when I had a chance to see Weird Al and MySpace couldn't even get that right, I finally said, "Fuck this." I closed my account.

I feel like I've just lost a bunch of weight. Or been told that men will still find me attractive if I let my leg hair grow. Or that chocolate is not only healthy to eat
but good to apply topically.

Good riddance, MySpace. You are such a piece of crap. And thank you, Weird Al, for making me see reason.

How an artist works

I feel the same way about art as I do about food -- I enjoy consuming it but find it best for all concerned if I don't attempt to create it.

So, I was intrigued to find artist Jackie Adshead's site, which not only displays her beautiful artwork but shows how a piece is created. Click on the "Online Demonstration" link to see the step-by-step process.

For a paint-by-numbers gal like me, I was quite mesmerized.

And here's something even more incredible. It's a real-time sketch of a woman that begins with her skeleton and ends with her being fully clothed. In the process, she is naked. Very cool.