What is your erotic personality?

Have you ever wondered why you need one set of stimuli to get turned on while your partner needs something entirely different? Or why you react to certain sexual situations in ways that intrigue, excite, or confuse you? Now you can find out what makes you tick.

In a few months, you'll be able to take the quiz in my book YOUR EROTIC PERSONALITY and get the answers to these questions. You'll learn which erotic type you can claim as your own and how to make the most of it.

But until then ... you can get a glimpse at the types and see which one resonates with you! The downloadable PDF, WHAT IS YOUR EROTIC PERSONALITY?, is available now from Amazon.com.

Check it out and let me know if you found it informative -- your opinions matter because I'm currently at work on a sequel to the book!

Cool book I forgot to mention

It occurs to me that I never did tell you about a great little book I'm in called American Casanova. This book is worth mentioning, not only because it's a great read, but because it's a collaborative novel "directed" by Maxim Jakubowski. Seventeen different writers (including M. Christian, Lucy Taylor, O'Neil De Noux, Molly Weatherfield, and Thomas Roche, to name a few) contributed a chapter to this book, which constitutes quite a dose of imagination!

The book's concept is wonderful: the legendary Casanova wakes up one morning to discover he's not only alive, but now living in 21st century Venice! He spots a beautiful woman at a party he's not even sure how he got to, and proceeds to go wherever necessary to find her again. He ends up in America, where loads of adventures -- mostly sexual, of course -- await him.

It's a clever book and a cut above average erotica fare. I'm very proud to be in it.

The contest with no prize

If someone offered you a date with Ron Jeremy, would you stare and blink and blubber, stupefied by your incredible luck? Or would you mutter a polite "thank you" and walk away? Enter this contest. It's the only way to know how you'll react when you win.

Ooops, I did it again

A few days ago, I was going to sit down and invite you to rejoice with me because iTunes accepted my new RSS feed of Four Minutes, Once a Week! Really, my joy was boundless. No sooner had I started to tell friends and associates about my incredible good fortune, however, when iTunes withdrew its gracious permission and kicked me out of iTunes. Again.

Those of you who have been listening to my podcast for the past year (hard to believe it's that long already!) know that iTunes never accepted me the first time I submitted my feed. They said my content was offensive. Please keep in mind that they blithely carry the podcasts of so-called "sex educators" and people who perform all manner of sex acts to the audible enjoyment of their listeners, but erotic fiction somehow offends their delicate sensibilities.

So let me get this straight, iTunes. It's okay to teach someone what to stick in what hole and how they should touch themselves if orgasm is their goal, but supplying them with stories that will inspire them to do those things without a qualified instructor present is dirty, nasty business.

Whatever. I have truly given up on these sons of bitches. My podcast will never get the exposure that non-fiction podcasts do and the rationale for iTunes' arbitrary rule will eternally elude me.

It's possible for a person to subscribe to my podcast through iTunes, but iTunes will not give me a pretty little page with my photo and a list of previous installments of the podcast. HERE'S HOW TO SUBSCRIBE IN iTUNES:

1. Click on "Advanced" at the very top of your iTunes page. One of the options that will drop down will be "Subscribe." Click on that.

2. It will then present you with a box asking for a URL. To get the audio-only version of Four Minutes, Once a Week, type in http://sage.libsyn.com/rss . To get the enhanced version -- with images that can be seen on iTunes and iPods -- type in http://sage2.libsyn.com/rss .

(Word on the street is that iTunes is doing a serious clean-up of its podcasts. Many long-running podcasts are getting the boot, and there's lots of grumbling about censorship yet until somebody brings a class-action suit against Apple, I don't suppose our voices will ever get heard. I realize that Apple doesn't have to devote a page to any of us, but my feelings are that if they're going to devote pages to some sexy podcasters, they need to devote them to all of us. But that's just my crazy egalitarian mindset kicking in again. And to think how many hundreds of dollars I've spent in the iTunes store....!)

A sex toy to make you squeal

I know they're not supposed to make us giggle, but sometimes, you see a sex toy that just delights you so much, you want to own it as much for the smiles as for the orgasms. Such as the case with the Lil Piggy Buttplug. I mean, really, this is just adorable!

Why I hate banks

At the end of 1997, I left the world of banking, where I'd spent more than 10 years learning about consumer credit and then enforcing federal banking laws. I learned that the average banker is a drone with delusions of power and the average bank teller has the I.Q. of pocket lint.

This article from the San Francisco Chronicle is a shining example of how truly stupid and unthinking banks and bankers are.

Bottom line: banks assume everyone except their wealthiest customers are criminals. If you don't believe me, read this article.

At least in the erotica world, we just assume everyone is a sex fiend, which has a lot more potential for fun.

Parlez-vous Biz Speak?

Little known fact: I have a day job! And increasingly, at work I find myself surrounded by people speaking a foreign tongue -- everything from "monetizing the content space" to "shifting the paradigm" (although I understand any mention of "paradigm" brands one as a throwback to the Gordon Gekko's era).

Anyway, when I saw this Biz Speak generator, I exclaimed "Eureka!" Maybe now I can run with the big dogs....

Update: one of my favorite podcast listeners, who shall remain anonymous for his own protection, saw this post and turned me on to Bullshit Bingo, which I think has great potential, too!

Please take my survey

In April 2007, my first nonfiction book, YOUR EROTIC PERSONALITY, is due to be released by Berkley Books. Yes, it's exciting! But that's not the reason for my post.

I am interested in creating a club in conjunction with the book but want it to offer real value to the people who read the book. That's where you come in. I would love to hear what you'd expect to get from such a club.

Please take the survey.

It should only take about five minutes of your time (seven if you're especially thoughtful in your responses!). Your thoughts will be highly valuable to me.

The survey closes on September 8. I appreciate your input very much.

Another Stephen Colbert gem

For me, there's no better way to digest the day's news than with Jon Stewart's The Daily Show at 11:00 pm, followed by The Colbert Report at 11:30 on Comedy Central. These guys are voices of sanity amid a world of what often feels like fools, crooks, and spin doctors.

Today, I discovered this funny link to Stephen Colbert's clever little game, You're on Notice! Enjoy -- and put the bastards on notice!

Sex -- Then and Now

This morning, I received a link from a friend who knew I'd find it amusing. It's a film from 1965 produced by the Citizens for Decent Literature and it's called "Perversion for Profit." What a hoot! The film warns of the dangers of obscenity, linking it to everything from communism to homosexuality to the fall of Rome. It's among those films that's been parodied so much, you can almost guess the next words out of the presenter's mouth before he says them. (The introductory credit says the man's name is George Putnam, "outstanding news reporter," which is pretty hilarious in and of itself.)

So, I had a good chuckle over it (as I hope you will) and thought to myself, "How far we've come in 40 years."

And then, this evening, an individual by the name of "Real Diehl" wrote me (and several others, I soon learned) to share his original song, which he calls "Circle Jerk for Humanity." Well, folks, this is yet another hoot (although frankly, I was more entertained by the 1965 film).

I may not want to run out and buy this guy's song, but you know, it's pretty cool that he can not only create it but get people to hear it without fear of getting arrested. What would ol' George Putnam have said about Real Diehl, I wonder?

The song made me think yet again that we'd come a long way in 40 years, but I wasn't sure it was necessarily progress...

Which leads me to a final discovery today, mostly thanks to my wonderful man, Chris, who is a huge fan of writer Alan Moore. The Onion did a serious interview with Moore and I was completely floored by this guy's vision and outlook about sex. Read the interview and tell me you don't want to crawl into his brain and learn how it works. I highly recommend the interview, and plan to read his work ASAP. (Luckily, Chris has everything Moore has ever written!)

Alan Moore gives me hope that yes, indeed, maybe we have come a long way in 40 years.

Upcoming Public Appearance

Anybody in the San Francisco bay area on August 12 is invited to attend a monthly event called Writers With Drinks, where I'll be reading and talking about being a custom erotica writer. This event is hosted by local writers Charlie Anders and Annalee Newitz, and combines erotica with literature, stand-up comedy with science fiction and poetry with essays.

Here's the lineup:
Daisy Zamora (The Violent Foam)
Noria Jablonski (Human Oddities)
Sage Vivant (Custom Erotica Source)
Julia Jackson (Sistahs, RooftopComedy)
Cynthia Heimel (Sex Tips For Girls)
Ellen Klages (Time Gypsy)

Writers With Drinks happens at The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd. St., San Francisco CA, from 7:30 PM to 9:30 PM. Doors open at 7 PM. Admission is $3 - $5 (sliding scale). Hope to see you there!

Eat my Amazon Shorts

I've decided to document on this blog each and every time I run into a roadblock for myself or CES because of the nature of my material (i.e., sex).

Here's the latest. Amazon.com has introduced a new "product" called Amazon Shorts. No, they aren't apparel -- just very short stories or pieces from authors that Amazon will sell for 49 cents and give the author a teeny tiny cut. I don't know who might buy such an item, but I thought it would be a cool way for me to do some pre-publicity on my upcoming non-fiction book, Your Erotic Personality.

Amazon asks you to "apply" for this program and the application is pretty simple -- just tell them the names and ISBN numbers of your currently available books. So, I did that. After they confirm that you're really an author, they send you a one-page sheet about what kind of material is appropriate for their program. The sheet focuses on length and marketability of whatever you want to write. That's all.

I tinkered with my introduction to Your Erotic Personality to make it shorter and less descriptive, and I included a fun list of the 12 erotic types that are outlined in my book. There were no dirty words in my proposed Amazon Short. Not one.

But Amazon.com rejected it because they don't deal in erotica. Hmmmm. Let me get this straight. They will sell all manner of erotic anthologies on their site (making money from every sale). They will feature on the recently launched Amazon Fishbowl series three Playboy bunnies talking about life in the mansion and the MALE authors of the book WHY MEN FALL ASLEEP AFTER SEX. But my book -- a fun, light-hearted take on 12 erotic personality types written by a woman -- is dangerous and offensive.

And might I also point out that they knew all my titles were erotic before I even submitted anything because they had asked for a list of my books. So, basically, they wasted everybody's time.

Can I even begin to tell you how tired I am of double-standards and bullshit in the world of sex-related material? If I were a Playboy bunny, Amazon would be happy to give me space and time on their illustrious site. If I were a man writing about sex, well, that would be amusing stuff and they'd not blink at all. But I'm neither. I'm persona non grata.

Looks like I'll have to find another way to give people a glimpse into my upcoming book. The PR methods available to "normal" people aren't available to me.

PBS has no cajones!

In this absolutely fantastic column by my very favorite columnist, Mark Morford, you can learn about the plight of "The Good Night Show"'s Melanie Martinez. PBS fired her as host of this kiddie show when they discovered (because she told them) she had once done public service announcement spoofs on sex and virginity. In other words, she's a normal sexual woman with a sense of humor. Dangerous stuff.

At the end of the column is a link to where you can write to PBS to tell them you're mad as hell. I urge you to speak your mind -- and threaten to withhold future donations. If they're going to cave in to the religious right, do they deserve your money?

Chris Bridges -- funny weird or funny "ha ha"?

If you don't know who Chris Bridges is, you don't know what you're missing. He's the court jester at Hoot Island and he's a Celebrity Writer at Custom Erotica Source. But more important, he writes the funniest damn erotica you'll ever read.

If you don't believe me, either buy his book Giggling Into the Pillow or listen to me read one of his stories this week on my podcast. I swear if you don't laugh, you don't deserve to have sex.

Never Mind!

Guess what? Seems yours truly was more of a self-righteous pain in the ass than the folks at Archipelago Books! So, as Emily Litella would say, "Oh! I'm sorry. Never mind."

I wrote AB a scathing email after they rejected the auction. Yesterday, they wrote me a response, explaining that they didn't object to CES as a "benefactor" -- they were merely confused by Ebay's message and thought it was some sort of spam (yes, because the word "erotica" appeared in it). So they just rejected it.

I assigned very negative motives to them and that was wrong of me. As the representative there so succinctly stated, "I encourage you not to forget that despite all the faces and fronts of the internet, we aren't what we click." Well put, don't you think?

We've exchanged several messages since my previous post and ironed out this misunderstanding. Archipelago Books would be happy to be associated with future auctions from CES.

Please consider this a very public apology, Archipelago. Maybe I'll learn to keep my big mouth shut until I have all the facts.

The Trouble with Rectitude

I once thought that the province of literature was an open-minded one, where thoughts and ideas flowed freely. I believed it was the last vestige of the disenfranchised. When society turned its insensitive, unfeeling back on someone, that person could always find refuge in the written word. Those words might not always get published because not all voices appeal to all readers, but the whole point of literature is to give voice to people who have something to say.

Isn't it?

Well, no. Not always. I'm infuriated tonight because Archipelago Books in New York, a very tony "not for profit press committed to bringing works of classic and contemporary literature from all corners of the world to our shores" objected to my designating them as the benefactor in my recent charity auction on Ebay. This is an organization that presents itself as an entity of tolerance and acceptance, an organization that embraces new voices so much, it wants to be sure we get exposure to them. But apparently, sex is not an idea they can support. Mine is not an important voice, my ideas are not worth

Within hours of my posting a charity auction for a Quickie (which I want to do monthly and had intended to choose a different charity each time), Archipelago Books contacted Ebay to protest any affiliation with Custom Erotica Source. Ebay was then obligated to cancel the auction. Is it just me or is that hypocrisy in the extreme? How can a business (for profit or not) purport to facilitate subversive, unknown, or unpopular ideas and then turn around and exclude one because it objects on moral grounds? Can it be that they publish nothing that somebody doesn't find objectionable? I tend to doubt that.

You've all seen CES. It's pretty tasteful, given the subject matter. The whole idea behind CES is to present sex in a positive way and to make erotica accessible to people who might be shy about reading it. CES won't bombard you with pop-ups or make you feel like you need a shower after you leave it. But Archipelago Books objected on moral grounds, nonetheless. It wouldn't surprise me if they didn't even visit the site, and just saw the word "erotica" and panicked. (I shouldn't assume, but it certainly shocks the hell out of me that anybody could visit CES and really be offended by it. At least, anybody not firmly entrenched in the religious right.)

I've run CES since 1998 and this incident is just so typical of the barriers my business faces simply because it deals with a topic so many people are afraid of. The Better Business Bureau won't even allow CES to be rated (thereby ensuring that it never gets even a modicum of legitimacy). I must pay more than a "regular" business for my credit card merchant account because mine is an "adult" business. (How CES could even be remotely lumped into the same camp as "Teenage Facial Cum Shots" is beyond me, but that's the myopic world of business for you.) I cannot use PRWeb to distribute press releases any more because they've blacklisted CES.

And now even a charity won't accept a donation from CES. The whole situation defies comprehension. All I can do, however, is move forward because narrow-minded pinheads such as those at Archipelago Books aren't likely to change their minds. I've relisted the charity auction and selected Reading is Fundamental as the benefactor of the auction proceeds. (They didn't object to the M.J. Rose book auction I posted last month, so I think they don't make moral judgments about those who give them donations.)

So, if you'd like to bid on a Quickie and know that your money is going to a good cause, visit the new auction . And never, ever buy anything from rectitude-ridden Archipelago Books.

Miserable Artist Woes

M. Christian forwarded this link to me and I just love it.

Chris (that's M. Christian, by the way) and I are both writers and therefore subject to the self-inflicted ego annhiliation that is part and parcel of offering your work to the public. We wrestle daily with feeling like crap because somebody else got a book deal or an interview or a mention or some nod indicating approval. It's insane, really. That's why I love this link and its tongue-in-cheek advice about how to stay miserable as an artist -- it's a great reminder that writers, artists, composers, musicians, and all creative types need to stay focused on the work itself and not the reaction to or criticism of it.

Sure, we all like to know that what we've created touches people in some way. But is that why we do it? Hopefully that's not the primary reason. If an artist doesn't please herself first, how can she please others?

And isn't this funny coming from a writer of erotica who writes SO MUCH stuff to the specifications of clients? Wish I had a camera so you could see my artist's soul withering away....

Sex in fun places

For proof that sex is truly everywhere and that it's just plain fun, check out the Sexculturas blog. A guy in Barcelona, Spain has assembled all sorts of photos where sex figures prominently in art or daily objects (although in some cases, he makes it figure prominently, if you know what I mean).

For those of us who basically speak only English, don't panic when you go to the site and see that it's in Spanish. Go to the WorldLingo translation site and plop in the URL. Voila (or however you say that in Spanish). You'll have a reasonably good idea of what the blog says -- and you'll get a few laughs at some of the awkward translation attempts.

I love it when people do this stuff. They view sex with a wonderfully healthy eye and celebrate it with joy. I raise my glass to you, "PRU"! (And I'm adding you to my Cool Blogs page at Custom Erotica Source!)

Candid interview with Al Gore about AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

Although I realize this blog has become increasingly more political than sexual of late, I couldn't resist posting this wonderful interview with Al Gore about his enlightening film, AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH. If you haven't seen the movie, I really urge you to do so, especially if you have any doubts about global warming.

Gavel in one hand....

This judge in Oklahoma might have been better off cruising the Internet for porn after hours rather than whacking off behind the bench. But hey, who am I to judge a good multi-tasker?